I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick