I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples