So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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