I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious