Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
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Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that