Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin