I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.