I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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