I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
