Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
