it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
