I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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