no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
