if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize