Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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