I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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