At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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