God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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