i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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