Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
