Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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