look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize