she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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