Me. At least after what I've been through.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize