halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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