A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
