i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize