Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize