didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
