She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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