Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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