I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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