I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize