Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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