I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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