I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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