I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
