I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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