last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.