dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?