You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.