I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night