i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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