does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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