Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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