Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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