Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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