It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize