I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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