A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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