There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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