I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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