Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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