I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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