So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
