How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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