So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize